Easter Sunday!

I am somewhat of a wreck today...I seem to be fine one minute and then I am tearing up and choking back my souls attemp to cry. Today is not about me and my Son...today is not about what I have been through. It is not about the most painful day of my life...22 months ago when I held the body of my Son for the first time...and it was just a vessel...he was already with Christ. It is not about the pain that I have felt since that day...the moments of uncontrollable...overwhelming pain and anguish...or even the moments of supreme joy as I have watched, held, and loved his sisters as they grow. Today is about our Savior Jesus, his victory over sin and the curse of this world through his sacrifice on Calvary and his resurrection...yet I cannot help but let my thoughts stray to the loss of My only begotten Son. How difficult must it have been for God to send his Son to be here among us...teaching us and loving us...knowing full well that he would be tortured and crucified on a wooden cross for our sake?... I cannot imagine love like that. I feel such great sorrow for my own loss...for the suffering my poor babies had to go through in the NICU for so long. How could anyone willingly sacrifice their own child for people who do not deserve it? I could not...I could not allow my children to suffer for the sake of others...I am not capable of that much love. But Our Father is...Our Father is! Just the very thought seems incomprehensible. I parallel this to the thousands of men and women who have perished in this country...for their own various reasons...freedom...service... selflessness... patriotism. I venture to say that the majority of them did not choose to die...they chose to serve their Country and their flag...and the consequences of such service is in some cases...death. I feel that I could and would lay down my own life for my fellow man...I have served honorably in the face of the enemy... Backed by my brothers and sisters in arms...it is easy to be courageous. But to send my Child into harms way? To know that he will be slaughtered for a race of ingratious people? I could not...
But I guess that we cannot look at life in such temporal terms...we cannot look at life as this miniscule snapshot in time...of our existence on Earth. If the source of all life and all love is seen face to face in Heaven...awaiting to physically embrace us in his arms and love...WHY WOULD WE WANT TO BE HERE? Many people say that life is short..."tempus fugit"...time is fleeting...But we are missing the big picure...we are wrong. On Easter Sunday we celebrate the fact that almost 2000 years ago Jesus proclaimed in his final moments "It is Finished" that time is NOT fleeting....that life is NOT short. IT IS ETERNAL...it simply moves from this temporary place to the place it was intended to be...in Heaven among the Angels and the redeemed...among Our Father...Our Savior...and with my Son...

He has given us time here...to what purpose I am not sure. But I know that we must live by faith... And how are we the faithless supposed to accomplish that? I know that my wretched soul is incapable...but I also know that He can overcome even the most seemingly insurmountable. I suppose all we have to do is submit...yield...crumble into his arms...and let Father carry us. Thats hard to do. I am a relatively strong minded individual...I like to "control" things...to have a "say" in how things are done. I have to remember that I must trust him and acknowledge him in all that I do...lest it succomb to failure. I am not righteous...I am not pure...I am not holy...but God is...through Jesus' sacrifice...I am redeemed...he does not simply cover my sin...he removes it..as if it were never there. I am blameless because Christ is blameless. He is in me and through Him...all things are possible. I hope that my ramblings have made some sense...maybe not. But Jesus and I are going to go eat chow...go to church...and then go to work. I hope everyone else remembers to bring him with them today too. Our Father is Alive...he does not just sit on a throne and look down on us from Heaven...he walks among us...in us...and is in everything that we see, if we will allow him. I pray that I will do a better job of remembering that...and that he will help me. Have a Blessed Easter Sunday...and every day after that!

Pro Deo et Patria!

Will